A SwellWomen Surf and Yoga Retreat on Rote Island? Yuck. Sounds like a horrible idea.
I mean I’ve been there, I know. Its just not fun. So let me save you lots of time that you can use to do better things. Like rearranging your kitchen cabinets or putting another coat of paint on the living room wall. Now thats real living….
1. There’s hardly anyone on the waves. How lame is that? Who are you going to talk to? Compare notes with? Experience the gifts of sharing? You’ll have to catch waves all by yourself with lots of open space and we think that might make you lonely. Well sure, you could share the fun with the rest of the SwellWomen guests, but they’re going to be women just like you and how boring is that?
2. There’s hardly and traffic and no smog. And come on, is it really Indonesia if you cant have the bowels scared out of you with a bit of crazy traffic? I love to leave for the airport three hours early because there might be a traffic jam. Now that’s the Indonesia we know. Honking horns and tons of anxiety. That’s real culture.
3. The local people smile too much. I mean, what are they up to anyway? Why are they always trying to help me? No one can be that happy.
4. The whole Island feels like you’ve stepped back in time. Its peaceful and quiet. People are in tune with nature and their lives are simple. Bah.. old fashioned if you ask me. Where’s my IPhone?
5. The Nemberala Beach Resort is pure luxury. Which just doesn’t make sense. Why be in this old-time peaceful Island and then ruin it with luxury? I’d rather keep it authentic and wash with a bucket and sleep on straw.
6. There are too many surf breaks. Its confusing. I mean how am I supposed to decide? Everyone knows its easier to just have one option. Plus, they’re all so different. Some are all gentle and friendly, for complete beginners. Some are intermediate. Some are big and scary for the girls who wear the big-girl pants. I just think one wave is best… for everyone to pile on together.
7. The resort uses boats to take you to the surf breaks. What a cop out. Its not real surfing if you don’t paddle the half mile yourself.
8.There are surf lessons every day. I don’t need that crap. I just want to figure it out for myself. Surfing is easy. Plus, the instructors probably aren’t even supportive or kind.
9. The Island is too close to Australia. No one likes those guys. And of course that means the flight is too quick. Everyone loves flying.
10. The resort is too close to the ocean. You have to listen to those pesky waves all night. Plus, you cant even go on a nice walk to get to the beach, you just step down the ledge and its just right there. So lame.
11. There’s yoga on this outdoor pavilion and its too distracting. Theres a pool to the left and the ocean out front, and how are you supposed to concentrate with all that stuff to look at? Plus, yoga every single day? Come one, no one really likes yoga.
12. The food comes from local markets or directly from the sparkling blue ocean. How ridiculous is that? I like to have my goods sourced from exotic faraway locations and shipped over huge distances. Preservatives and good for mankind. Everyone knows that.
13. The resort offers four plus meals per day. They just have to be better than everyone else, don’t they? There’s even two breakfasts. Early breakfast and late breakfast. What, are we hobbits? They say its because we’ll be hungry from surfing, but I’m not buying it. I know its cos some man is trying to make me fat.
14. Rote only has 2 seasons. Wet and Dry. What kind of place has two seasons? Its weird.
15. In the dry season, the wind blows offshore all day. Bor-ing. Cant it do something else? I get tired of always looking into a glassy ocean.
16. There’s these creepy women that try to get you naked on a bed and
play freaky music and rub oil all over you. They call it a spa. I’m not fooled.
17. Sometimes you rent scooters to drive around the Island. Scooters are boring. Especially because there’s not enough traffic. If I’m going to ride a scooter in Indonesia I want the risk of having my lower limbs removed. Now thats exciting.
18.In the dry season the whole island turns into a desert. It has this white sand everywhere and all these palm trees. Palm trees in a desert? Its weird. I like the places I visit to to have the same landscape. I don’t want my mind confused by seeing new and unusual things.
19.There are all kind of day trips on Rote. Like taking the boat to uninhabited islands, or snorkelling in coral reefs, going to the local markets, or stand up paddling through mangroves. Mangroves? Yuck. Sounds disgusting. I’d rather go to bed and read my book. Of course, SwellWomen says you can do that too, that anything is right if it feels like bliss to you. Who are these people? Don’t they know there are rules to be followed?
19. The retreat is all-inclusive, so you can supposedly relax and enjoy the week. Ha! Who finds that relaxing? I like to be in control, so I can nickel and dime my way through my travels. I love to be surprised by cool new unexpected costs. Keeps me on my toes.
21. When the week is over you’ll have all these beautiful new girlfriends and your heart will be so open and full with new experiences which is terrible because expanding and loving and being empowered to make big changes in your life is for weird people. Not for sensible ordinary folks like you and me. Plus, you’ll probably cry a lot. Yuck. Crying is for sissy’s.
So as you can see, its simply not worth the trouble. I mean you’d have to go to the SwellWomen website and click on a button and then everything would all be taken care of for you, but ugh, who has that kind of time? Besides, what would you tell all of your friends? That you’re going on some luxury retreat to some weird desert island in Indonesia to learn how to surf and do yoga? Stop it, thats ridiculous! They’ll just laugh at you!
Save yourself the trouble and go back to work.
Everyone loves the office.
Find Out More or Book Your Bliss Now